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HUMOR
V kategórii sa nachádza 57 hesliel.
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. Albert Camus
Christmas comes but once a year - 364 days to get your ass in gear. John Wesley Harding, "Talking Christmas Goodwill Blues"
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. Shirley Temple
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. Jay Leno
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." Phyllis Diller
The Washington Post asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary... alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one
letter... and supply a new definition!
1) Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money
to start with.
2) Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a
hillbilly.
3) Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.
4) Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very
high.
5) Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6) Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.
7) Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
8) Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one
got extra credit)
9) Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like
, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10) Glibido: All talk and no action.
11) Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
And, the pick of the liter(ature):
12) Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an
asshole.
New Definitions for 2002 Part I
Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end
& a fool on the other.
Divorce :
Future tense of marriage.
Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing
through "the minds of either"
Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water power...
Dictionary :
A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.
Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous
home life.
Yawn :
The only time some married men ever get to open their
mouth.
The nice thing about standards is that there are so
many of them to choose from. Andrew S. Tanenbaum
A sign to make others believe that you know more than
you actually do.
Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of
when dead.
Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you
actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls
into a river.
Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway
"See I am not injured yet."
Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
Criminal :
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got
caught.
Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you
are early.
Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.
Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you
with his bills.
To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its
best night and day to make you everybody else - means to
fight the hardest battle any human being can fight; and
never stop fighting." -- e.e. cummings
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